The visual descriptions are nice and vivid. There are no confusing or distracting errors. There isn't enough of a plot yet to judge it. Is this a round robin, or do you have plans to continue it yourself? Either way, you would probably get more input/contributions if you posted this on a different website.

Author's Response: Its a round robin, why do you ak? though i may do another chapter

Far too little listed here. while I am a fan of people putting forth some effort in writing. Please I prefer more than a paragraph at a time.

Author's Response: thank you for the constructive critiscim, any idas for upcoming chapters?