Wow, nice job! Especially since it's your first story. I liked the little details you put in. For example, Hiroko has put on a few pounds since she started working at Shinra, she nibbles when she is nervous, and she has a diet cola with lunch. These add up to make her a consistent character, even if you don't explicitly spell out the connection. I also like the little chocobo sticker on her lunch.

Speaking of which, you don't use the setting very much. Apart from that detail and the names "Shinra" and "Midgar," this story could really be set at pretty much any generic modern day corporation. It doesn't detract from the story, but it doesn't stand out either.

I personally didn't really mind the part with Drew, since it helped establish Kim's bitchiness. She didn't just want to ruin Hiroko's career, she wanted to hurt her emotionally, too. Even if it didn't work, it makes her a more despicable villain.

There were a few mistakes, but nothing terribly distracting. The only one I can remember right now is that it's "quid pro quo" instead of "quid quo pro," but that's an easy one to make since they look and sound so similar.

Good work on this, and I hope to see more from you in the future.

Author's Response:

Thanks for the kind words. I'm new to writing this kind of thing, so I'm trying not to kick myself so hard over the simple mistakes (and believe me, I spotted more than a couple upon close inspection)

Anyway, glad you like it. Hopefully I'll learn a bit more through practice!

Good premise and solid writing, although the bit with Drew seemed simultaneously tacked on, predictable and irrelevant. The important details were well done.

Author's Response: Yeah, I'm sorta new to writing stuff like this. Definitely room for improvement, I think

You should make another chapter in which kim either the bosses found evidence from an 'anonymous' source and kim gets fired or kim gets humiliated ten times worse.

Author's Response: The plan was for a the second part of the story to be a revenge plot. I just gotta drum up some enthusiasm to write it. Thanks for the review