Your descriptions of desperation and release are vivid and erudite. The buildup to the first fart is too long and repetitious, but otherwise your verbose prose works well. Right before Hannah's second fart, you write "with yet another moan she hard," which must be some kind of typo. That's the only real mistake I noticed, although you overuse the word "luscious" when you describe Hannah at the beginning.
I was hoping for more banter between the sisters, but they barely talk after the desperation gets bad (thought I suppose they have better things to do than talk). This isn't a criticism, but I was assuming the reference to Gary's private (scat?) videos was a plot point, and was surprised it never came up again.
I hope to read another story with this great double-act you've created.
Author's Response:
I'm certainly glad you found it engaging. As for your remarks:
Keeping both girls' ages ambiguous was very intentional. I always try to avoid giving anyone a specific age, largely because it seems to box the character in more than I want to. In Anya part 1, you'll remember, I explicitely made the little girl 4, which . That being said, I think it's fairly obvious by the third paragraph that Hannah is well into puberty, and it isn't much longer before Mimi mentions that she's old enough for drinking illegaly (at least if the reader already recognizes the name Mickey's Big Mouth is, looks it up, or catches the fairly obvious hint). I suppose I could have alluded to her hangover earlier, at least.
Gary's internet activities are in fact a plot point, but only insofar as Gary himself is a plot point (juxtaposed as he is between the "sweet gentleman" Hannah danced with and the perverted nerd Mimi heard about thirdhand). I did originally intend to bring him back up in the epilogue, which was then postponed when I found myself trying to hurry up and finish it vaguely in the vicinity of the deadline. And as usual, that's also the reason for any typos.