Not a bad first effort, but certainly shows that you're new to writing.

*Too much spacing for every sentence when some can be grouped into paragraphs.
*Descriptions are either too vague (all while fighting monsters along the way), same goes for the pooping action which only details some stuff but nothing to make interesting.
*The characters don't really do anything to feel like their counterparts, just using the names for recognition.

With that said, it's always nice to see some new blood on the site. Hopefully you'll take the criticisms to heart and apply them to a later story or even a revision of this one.