Once more, had to re-review this story too.
You should do a sequel, Noa seems too care-free to really pay attention to 'lady-like' mannerisms all the time ;)
Reviews For Pooping in Legaia
Because I got so caught up on the rant (which i apologize again for), I am going to give you another review on the story itself. First of all, I really liked your character development as always, especially Vahns. Next, I thought that both your pooping descriptions were top-notch. Also, I loved the awkward conversations between the Ra Seru and Vahn and Noa. The exchange between Vahn and Gala was hilarious as well. All in all, a very good story, and I would like to see more, but like Vahn, that probably won't happen, at least not in the same way. Still, keep up the good work, and if you decide to go back to the world of Legaia, there will be no complaints here.
Date: Oct 29, 2007 03:23 am [Report This]
All I can say is that I can sympathise with Vahn. For a tiny window of opportunity he was able to view in full detain what all of us secretly wish to view... and then, just like that, all future "shows" are as good as gone. DAMN UPTIGHT SOCIAL STIFFS!!!!! Gala should pay dearly for such an act!!!! Alas, even today, we have this problem, for a multiude of bathroom acts go by every day so close to us the frustration is at imes almost unbearable; all that seperate us from this glorious acts is one special door that can easily be physically traversed, but because of society, it may as well be made of three feet of solid steel, barred with iron bars, locked with a chain and a dozen padlocks, and surrounded by infared lasers and motiob sensors. DAMMIT!!! Vahn, my heart goes out to you. ...Sorry about the rant.
Date: Oct 29, 2007 03:19 am [Report This]
I really like the basic idea of this story, as well as most of its execution. Okay, so pooping isn't my big interest. Girls peeing is what brought me here. But when I do think of pooping, my favorite mental image is a girl pooping the natural way out in the wilderness. And that's what you describe here. You also have the plot of Noa "losing her innocence." She is taught that pooping is shameful and taught to do it in private in an unnatural way. I can relate to the sadness of this, and sympathize with Vahn, although I'm not a pervert the way he is.
I love your innocent characterization of Noa. I could really enjoy reading about her in fics that weren't about peeing or pooping. There are also a couple specific sentences I really love. "...Vahn kept his sight on Noa's actions like a horse with blinders on." Excellent way of putting it. "He observed closely as her petite upside-down heart-shaped bottom quickly lost its curved shape as it readied to release its bowels." Great wording and mental image.
There are problems here, though. The tense-shift has already been mentioned. You also make a common mistake in this sort of fic. Pee doesn't come out of the vagina. The hole it comes out of is called the urethral meatus, or just the urethra. I really like your description of Noa's 1st dump, but I thought her 2nd dump went too fast with too little detail. In fact, the whole story seems to "speed up" after her 1st dump. A consistent pacing and consistent level of detail would make this a lot better, I think.
Although these problems are distracting, they don't stop this from being a very enjoyable story. You have the makings of a wonderful writer. ^_^
Date: Oct 18, 2007 05:43 am [Report This]
Nice story.
Date: Oct 09, 2007 11:05 am [Report This]
Nice work, I liked this one before and still like it now.
Thanks for posting!
Thanks for posting!
Date: Sep 25, 2007 06:21 pm [Report This]