Really nice story, well written fear wetting is some of the rarest and best stuff out there (for me). I understand the need to keep the wetting low key and i'm really glad you didn't mention either of the girls needing to go earlier in the story. Indeed, I completely agree that overattention to the fetish aspect ruins the atmosphere in a lot of stories like this, and prefer when the wettings are mentioned in such a way that they seem almost like an afterthought. Even so, i agree with Jimmy that the wettings needed more detail. Megan could still have wet when she did, but a visual description might have been nice, or perhaps bethany could have noticed Megan wetting herself, thus giving it more attention for the reader, but without her having to say anything out loud out of fear, thus preserving the tension and realism inside the story. Bethany's wetting could have had more detail in any number of ways as well. Of course this story is from 2008 so i doubt this will be seen or taken into consideration, but it was almost the perfect story except for the wettings so I felt compelled to leave this review nonetheless. 

i liked this story the only change i would make is to have bethany mess her pants aswell when she gets scared

Scenery description and character interaction are the main strengths of this story. I can really picture the mausoleum, and especially the cemetery. I can even feel the scary atmosphere. You also do a good job of making Bethany, Dustin, and Tommy come alive, and making me interested in their fates.

While there are tangible connections and tensions between Bethany, Dustin, and Tommy, Megan doesn't seem to have much to do with anything, and reads to me like one of those red-shirted ensigns on the original Star Trek. I think a fourth character is needed in the story to provide a buffer and other benefits, but you definitely need to work on her. She needs some kind of connection, characteristic, motivation, or something else to make her feel important to the story and interesting to the reader (whether she's there to be loved or to be hated).

While my favorite Nyou stories are ones that are entertaining beyond the urination or defecation, I think in this one the wetting is too far out of the spotlight. I don't think it would have hurt the tension much to give fuller descriptions. I suggest you make Megan's wetting earlier, when things are scary but not yet hellish. That way there can be a detailed description plus reactions from the others without derailing the story. Bethany's wetting can still be low-key, but it should have more details than it does now.

I really think it all ends too quickly. I can tell you plan to continue the story, but that's not what I'm talking about. It seems like events are described more and more sketchily as it nears the end, so the last few paragraphs seem like summaries rather than part of a scene. Spelling errors and oddly contradictory sentences are the only other substantial problems.

Despite the weaknesses that need patching up here and there this is a strong horror story, one that doesn't depend on bathroom affinities to enthrall the reader. Good work.

Author's Response: Let me start by saying that I totally disagree with the idea that giving more attention to the wettings or desperation would have hurt the tension. I could have mentioned thet either of the girls needed to go before they reached the cemetery, but then why wouldn\'t they just have gone? After they reach the cemetery I spend the whole time trying to build a sense of dread and fear in Bethany. Mentioning that anyone needed to go, I think, would have broken the spell I was trying to weave. Think of the last time you were scared out of your mind. Did you worry about bodily needs? I sure didn\'t and it didn\'t make sense to have these characters act any differently.rnrnHaving Megan wet eralier would have been a mistake as well, I think. If she wet herself when things were merely scary, not when everyone was to terrified to think, one of the characters would have reacted. The tension would have been broken for them and, hence, the reader. This is all just my opinion, sure, but I did realize that having so little potty content would hurt the reception here. I spent a lot of time deciding how to handle it. In the end, I feel like I made the right choice and will defend it.rnrnThat being said, no. I do not plan to continue the story and I never did. If I had, the Masterson/Doolin backstory would have likely been much more developed, Megan might have a stronger character and any number of things that resulted from my rush job would have probably been fixed. rnrnAbout half-way through the story, I realized that Megan was just kind of there. I thought about dropping her, but decided against it since she provided some of the pee-ing. So I was going to have her responsible for Bethany being locked in the mausoleum. I couldn\'t think of any way right off hand, so I just left her in there, flat and un-interesting.rnrnAnyhow, thanks for the review!