I never liked "Digimon," and don't know or remember much about it, but I liked this. The sly enemy taunting a desperate girl is a good concept, and it's used to good effect here. Just when I start to think I've read so many descriptions of pooping that nothing can be new to me, I read something like this. Besides that there's a lot of cleverly worded sentences, poop-related and otherwise. Great job!
The only thing that bothered me, besides a couple mistakes and the inevitable confusion of reading something set in a universe I don't know, was how at the beginning everybody made too much about Yoshino getting up and walking down the hall. Have they never heard of restroom breaks?
Author's Response: Well here's a bit of a quick learners guide: Digimon Savers is set in a more realistic universe as opposed to the Pokemon-esqe one of the previous. For one the characters are drawn in bishonen style and thus reflect more accurate teens rather than the big heads/hands of the former series. DATS is an MIB like group, so they have to be prepared for anything. The fact that Marcus, whose known to blow even the littlest things into something more, has a habit of drawing attention to himself because of his stupidity.
Basically, Yoshi should have told him to shut it right then and there and left instead of pussyfooting around the issue and drawing more people to her.
Thanks for the review, glad you enjoyed it.