Reviews For The Ingredient
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Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Doom_Guard Signed
I can sum up my feelings for this fic in one word: Frantastic!

Author's Response: FINALLY!! After three years!
Date: Jul 26, 2009 10:21 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Jimmy Olsen Signed

This is one of my favorite fics, so I located and reprinted my original review for it.

Rarely have I enjoyed a dumping fic this much, and perhaps never have I enjoyed such a short dumping fic this much! I've never played this game, so I don't know what a Viera is, but I gather it's some kind of catgirl. At any rate, I find her race neat (based on this fic alone), and it kind of reminds me of when I designed alien races for my science fiction and would include how their excretion was different from humans. Having her poop smell like freshly-tilled soil is a great touch. I'm not a huge fan of girl pooping (although obviously it's rather interesting to me), and the idea of a pleasant, earthy smell accompanying it makes it a more pleasant image than the reality of how it works. I also like how petting her forces her to relax her bowel control.

The main source of my criticism is Penelo's dump. She just sort of randomly poops her panties. She never explains why she's doing it, Fran never asks why she's doing it, and neither Balthier nor Basche ask why she did it. The explanation is sort of implied, but I think it should be made explicit, at least in her mind, and realistically the other characters would wonder why she did it and presumably say something about it. Also, she says "I used to do it all the time back in the city." I think this should be elaborated upon, either in dialog or in info the reader is given.

Besides that, I feel like a couple things should be expanded upon to make the story longer and increase enjoyment. This isn't anything serious, just some recommendations. I think we should be shown the "ingredient" being added to the mixture. This would be especially interesting if, in order to keep it fresh, it has to be mixed right after it's exposed to air. So Fran basically peels her panties off, and a pinch of poop is instantly taken from the exposed mound. It would make for a great image. Also maybe expand upon what was done to facilitate the bowel movement. You say it can take weeks, so presumably Fran and her friends have done everything possible to make it come as soon as it can. You mention her eating a lot of steamed vegetables, but maybe describe that and other stuff she has to eat, along with other measures to bring about a movement, like abdominal massage and/or a special relaxation/meditation technique. This would give us more stuff to read, more interesting scenes for characterization, allow you to explore how embarrassing it is that everyone has to be concerned with Fran's bowels, and emphasize how great it is that she can finally dump after all the waiting and embarrassment and bad food and other hassles.

But some arguable missed opportunities and the randomness of Penelo's dump don't detract much from the quality here. The fact that it's immediately one of my favorite bathroom-type fics despite the fact that it is based on a game I've never played, is about characters I've never heard of, and has only dumping and no peeing indicates just how good a story it is. I'm not sure if I've ready any of your stories before, but from now on I'll be watching your career with great interest.

Date: Oct 07, 2007 04:03 am [Report This]
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