Reviews For Schizophrenia
I loved the beginning how Levannah makes Maya desperate to go to the loo. I imagined it in my mind, Maya losing control before she has time to take off her pants or underwear.. How sweet that would be, the main character losing control. Anyway, I would like to say that this story was well written and had some unexpected twists and surprises. Loved it, thanks for writing it.
Date: Sep 16, 2010 09:36 pm [Report This]
I wouldn't have thought it was possible to combine such well described and dramatic action with a very enjoyable and unique toilet scene. This is the best chapter yet mixing story and dumping.
The description of the cave is extremely well done, I was imagining real caves I've been in the whole time. For some reason, the room with pipes dumping into the lake of slime reminded me of the pipe maze room in Link to the Past's Turtle Rock dungeon.
I knew instantly when Viola entered the room with the bench and trough what it was and what was probably going to happen. I had half expected the two of them to emerge from an outhouse seat after climbing the pipe from the slime pit. If you are going to tweak this more though, I found the description of the device somewhat confusing. Is the seat board freestanding directly above the "V" shaped through or what and dose it slope to a hole in the floor or would they have to empty it?
If this chapter really came out as lite on fetish elements as you where talking about before, I can't wait to see what you consider a toilet heavy chapter next time! I think it had just enough given that the scene it's self was so good. I just hope it's as creative as this next time. I had no idea what Viola was planning to do with her powers until it happened... Ouch!
I agree with what you said on the forum about "companion pooping moments". I think a conversation between two girls is the best way to add interest to a toilet scene, just look at my own stories. Given what we use Latin for now, (religion and science) the idea of phrases like “I hope you're just here to take a whiz” actually being spoken out loud in it made me laugh.
I can't believe this, but I think I may actually know where the "...like Tartarus on Monday morning" line is from. Wasn't a very similar line in an old Xena episode? The weirdest thing is, that's the only episode of the show I ever saw! And no, it didn't make any sense to me then either, glad to see Ursula called her on it.
I've never played any Soul Calibur games and know nothing about them so I have no idea what elements are references to it, but now I almost wish I did as I might enjoy it even more.
This has really evolved far beyond a Miss Pac Man related story to become an epic fantasy... with girls pooping, which makes it even better. It looks like this has the potential to go on for a wile longer and I sure hope it dose if you can make the other chapters even half this good.
The description of the cave is extremely well done, I was imagining real caves I've been in the whole time. For some reason, the room with pipes dumping into the lake of slime reminded me of the pipe maze room in Link to the Past's Turtle Rock dungeon.
I knew instantly when Viola entered the room with the bench and trough what it was and what was probably going to happen. I had half expected the two of them to emerge from an outhouse seat after climbing the pipe from the slime pit. If you are going to tweak this more though, I found the description of the device somewhat confusing. Is the seat board freestanding directly above the "V" shaped through or what and dose it slope to a hole in the floor or would they have to empty it?
If this chapter really came out as lite on fetish elements as you where talking about before, I can't wait to see what you consider a toilet heavy chapter next time! I think it had just enough given that the scene it's self was so good. I just hope it's as creative as this next time. I had no idea what Viola was planning to do with her powers until it happened... Ouch!
I agree with what you said on the forum about "companion pooping moments". I think a conversation between two girls is the best way to add interest to a toilet scene, just look at my own stories. Given what we use Latin for now, (religion and science) the idea of phrases like “I hope you're just here to take a whiz” actually being spoken out loud in it made me laugh.
I can't believe this, but I think I may actually know where the "...like Tartarus on Monday morning" line is from. Wasn't a very similar line in an old Xena episode? The weirdest thing is, that's the only episode of the show I ever saw! And no, it didn't make any sense to me then either, glad to see Ursula called her on it.
I've never played any Soul Calibur games and know nothing about them so I have no idea what elements are references to it, but now I almost wish I did as I might enjoy it even more.
This has really evolved far beyond a Miss Pac Man related story to become an epic fantasy... with girls pooping, which makes it even better. It looks like this has the potential to go on for a wile longer and I sure hope it dose if you can make the other chapters even half this good.
Date: May 23, 2009 08:42 pm [Report This]
Wow what a scene! Never thought that I would find my favorite "spying" here! Hope for more spying scene from next chapters!
Date: May 22, 2009 06:50 am [Report This]
Alright, finally a new installment.
This chapter was entertaining. As a former Latin student, I appreciated the brief shout-out to the good old lingua latina, and this chapter generally did a good job of moving the plot along. There was no Susanna *cries* but at least Viola did something (sort of) useful. Hopefully she can stop moping around all the time now.
Also, the fact that I care about the characters as individuals means you're still doing your job as an author. Keep up the good work.
This chapter was entertaining. As a former Latin student, I appreciated the brief shout-out to the good old lingua latina, and this chapter generally did a good job of moving the plot along. There was no Susanna *cries* but at least Viola did something (sort of) useful. Hopefully she can stop moping around all the time now.
Also, the fact that I care about the characters as individuals means you're still doing your job as an author. Keep up the good work.
Date: May 22, 2009 03:20 am [Report This]
Sorry it took me so long to review this, but better late than never I guess.
First of, WOW, when you said you were writing a Ms. Pacman fic I never expected something like this. It's so far from the game itself, and so rich in original content, that it's really like you just took a few core ideas from the game and ran with them. I think that's great. Like Dr. Bones says, the references to the games and Namco, as well as the fourth wall breaking by Susanna (who is my personal favorite, although that might just have something to do with her messing herself...mwehehe) is all a little "fan-ficy", but they're well done and pretty funny to boot. I agree that the setup in that labyrinth with the breadrolls was totally awesome...I never thought I'd be rooting for the ghosts!
Bottom line is, original universes are somewhat rare on this site, and I happen to really like this one. So hurry up and write some more!
P.S. I guess that technically, this is also our first Soul Calibur fic, or at least the first one with SC characters. Seeing Cassandra on the pot was really a treat, as well as finding out that the "PAC monster" was really Tira. Here's hoping you include more characters in the future.
Author's Response: Glad to see you like what I did with the place. ^_^ I am glad to see the positive response to the whole no-fourth-wall element, and it does have an in-story explanation. I will have a bit more people from SC, as well as some more unknown games, so keep your eyes open. And I'm definitely starting Part II, with some outlines for Part III that I think people will enjoy. Thanks for the review.
First of, WOW, when you said you were writing a Ms. Pacman fic I never expected something like this. It's so far from the game itself, and so rich in original content, that it's really like you just took a few core ideas from the game and ran with them. I think that's great. Like Dr. Bones says, the references to the games and Namco, as well as the fourth wall breaking by Susanna (who is my personal favorite, although that might just have something to do with her messing herself...mwehehe) is all a little "fan-ficy", but they're well done and pretty funny to boot. I agree that the setup in that labyrinth with the breadrolls was totally awesome...I never thought I'd be rooting for the ghosts!
Bottom line is, original universes are somewhat rare on this site, and I happen to really like this one. So hurry up and write some more!
P.S. I guess that technically, this is also our first Soul Calibur fic, or at least the first one with SC characters. Seeing Cassandra on the pot was really a treat, as well as finding out that the "PAC monster" was really Tira. Here's hoping you include more characters in the future.
Author's Response: Glad to see you like what I did with the place. ^_^ I am glad to see the positive response to the whole no-fourth-wall element, and it does have an in-story explanation. I will have a bit more people from SC, as well as some more unknown games, so keep your eyes open. And I'm definitely starting Part II, with some outlines for Part III that I think people will enjoy. Thanks for the review.
Date: Apr 21, 2009 06:22 pm [Report This]
Funny thing is, when I first saw this, I had totally forgot that you where going to do a Miss Pac Man based fic. Half-way through the third chapter it all came together, girls in blue, red and pink capes chasing a yellow monster through a maze of halls as it scoops up rolls and eats them... Oh my God!
The first chapter, taken by it's self, is one of the best toilet fetish stories I've read on here. The wonderfully described buddy dumb with great conversation in an open bathroom ranks it as one of my favorite toilet scenes. I also love the idea of Levannah using a spell to make Maya have to go in order to keep her in the bathroom long enough for the deal.
The constant references and fourth wall jokes in the later chapters make them feel very "fan-fictiony" but personally, I don't mind that. They're all clever and well done, plus, a lot of successful anime and manga have used this kind of humor. It's nice how you managed to tell the story and still have some “bathroom” element in each chapter.
Even if it was a little disjointed with so many scene transitions and an abrupt beginning and ending, it made perfect sense to me and I'm really interested in what happens next.
Author's Response: Haha, always cool to see people's "Holy crap" moments. I had pondered for a while on what to use for the power pellets, and then I decided on the beans. Glad you liked that first chapter event, as it's probably the dump I enjoyed crafting the most. I admit it was a bit stronger than the other biggie (obviously Tira's demolishing of the Bandai shrine), probably because I had the two girls play off of one another in the first. The fourth wall jokes will tend to follow Susanna around, I'd have to say. It actually becomes more of a plot element in Part III. Something else to look forward to are more continuous scenes, so that I can keep some of the momentum going without disruption. Thanks for the comments!
The first chapter, taken by it's self, is one of the best toilet fetish stories I've read on here. The wonderfully described buddy dumb with great conversation in an open bathroom ranks it as one of my favorite toilet scenes. I also love the idea of Levannah using a spell to make Maya have to go in order to keep her in the bathroom long enough for the deal.
The constant references and fourth wall jokes in the later chapters make them feel very "fan-fictiony" but personally, I don't mind that. They're all clever and well done, plus, a lot of successful anime and manga have used this kind of humor. It's nice how you managed to tell the story and still have some “bathroom” element in each chapter.
Even if it was a little disjointed with so many scene transitions and an abrupt beginning and ending, it made perfect sense to me and I'm really interested in what happens next.
Author's Response: Haha, always cool to see people's "Holy crap" moments. I had pondered for a while on what to use for the power pellets, and then I decided on the beans. Glad you liked that first chapter event, as it's probably the dump I enjoyed crafting the most. I admit it was a bit stronger than the other biggie (obviously Tira's demolishing of the Bandai shrine), probably because I had the two girls play off of one another in the first. The fourth wall jokes will tend to follow Susanna around, I'd have to say. It actually becomes more of a plot element in Part III. Something else to look forward to are more continuous scenes, so that I can keep some of the momentum going without disruption. Thanks for the comments!
Date: Apr 19, 2009 01:14 pm [Report This]
Ooooh yeah! Excellent job at the fic! Finally we have some Soul Calibur fanfiction! Mark-out moment!
Author's Response: Glad you like it! Thanks for the kind words.
Author's Response: Glad you like it! Thanks for the kind words.
Date: Apr 18, 2009 07:48 pm [Report This]
Hmm, does seem a bit more together. But I would say it could use more work down the road. Then again, I guess I just grew out of the fascination with traditional fantasy after all these years.
Date: Apr 12, 2009 04:24 pm [Report This]
It was ok, things did seem a little strange, but nothing too confusing.
Date: Apr 12, 2009 04:12 pm [Report This]
Again, not too bad. A little disjointed, but still ok. A little odd that the farmer is thanking two game developement companies for his life being spared though. The names could be a little more creative, none seem terribly original, but then again most fantasy name either come off as awfully fake or poorly made up.
Date: Apr 12, 2009 03:58 pm [Report This]
Not bad, a little generic in the fantasy style, but a nice twist adding the fetish element. You'll probably never see that ever happen in a real fantasy novel. I'll admit it could use a better introduction if you were seriously thinking of making it a full fledge book, but otherwise it gets the job done for what it was written for here.
Author's Response: Yep, you're right. I'm going to try and flesh out the setting a bit more, and try to strengthen the bonds of the ghost-girls in Part II. Thanks for the comments.
Author's Response: Yep, you're right. I'm going to try and flesh out the setting a bit more, and try to strengthen the bonds of the ghost-girls in Part II. Thanks for the comments.
Date: Apr 12, 2009 03:39 pm [Report This]
Great one! Finally we have Soul Calibur fic here! Sorry to say, but the storyline is rather confusing (from SC IV?). But despite the storyline, I enjoy it so much!
Author's Response: Thanks! Glad to hear you enjoy it. Short answer: it's an AU. Long answer: it's basically in between SC2 and SC3, after Raphael and Siegfried defeat Nightmare, but before Cassandra becomes a bodyguard in Toledo (which might actually happen). However, there are storyline shoo-ins from later, simply because despite them not being there in SC2, they existed as part of the universe. One thing I definitely changed was Tira's age, however; she's meant to be a bit older than her in-game appearance in SC3, but she still looks the same other than a bit of extra height. Further, Bangoo is a lot darker than his representation in Soul Blade, as far as I know. Other than that, it should fit pretty much seamlessly into the space between SC2 and SC3.
Author's Response: Thanks! Glad to hear you enjoy it. Short answer: it's an AU. Long answer: it's basically in between SC2 and SC3, after Raphael and Siegfried defeat Nightmare, but before Cassandra becomes a bodyguard in Toledo (which might actually happen). However, there are storyline shoo-ins from later, simply because despite them not being there in SC2, they existed as part of the universe. One thing I definitely changed was Tira's age, however; she's meant to be a bit older than her in-game appearance in SC3, but she still looks the same other than a bit of extra height. Further, Bangoo is a lot darker than his representation in Soul Blade, as far as I know. Other than that, it should fit pretty much seamlessly into the space between SC2 and SC3.
Date: Apr 12, 2009 11:40 am [Report This]