Reviews For Lucy's Capture
Thanks Orpheum, I am getting better but I know I need more and I apreciate reviews. I know spelling/grammer are the death of me. I worked on length from my last story so Ill work on dialog a bit more but I do tend to like using the natative voice.
Date: Nov 29, 2012 04:47 am [Report This]
It's a nice story, but yes, it needs a lot of work. For one, the "part II" thing could be replaced with just some spacing or something "~" to tell it's a scene change. And of course, more dialogue and build up is needed for many of the scenes.
The ending also feels a little rushed, and lacks some choice moments for some comedy.
Date: Nov 28, 2012 07:59 pm [Report This]