Story Contest XI Rules

[Jimmy Olsen]

Poowrite: To clarify my review, it's not that I didn't like the pooping scene in "Videl's Fight."  I thought it was fairly average, not especially good or bad.  And yes, I know jokes like the one I suggested weren't used in Dragonball.  But on the other hand, "adult" elements are often used in fanfics even when they were missing in the source material.

[Poowrite]

Which is fine, but it still doesn't answer my question. How would you improve on it?

I'm not out to be an ass, really, and I hope that's not how you're interpreting this. I'm just curious, how would you change it.

Anyone can answer, BTW. Not just Jimmy, help me improve my work.

[Jimmy Olsen]

I don't know what to really tell you.  Good pooping scenes are good in different ways.  One thing I did notice was that you spent a lot of time described what was happening, but not how it felt to Videl.  I think some words about the physical sensations, and maybe also something about her thoughts and emotions, would improve the scene.

[OrpheumZero]

I don't know what to really tell you.  Good pooping scenes are good in different ways.  One thing I did notice was that you spent a lot of time described what was happening, but not how it felt to Videl.  I think some words about the physical sensations, and maybe also something about her thoughts and emotions, would improve the scene.

Well that's your opinion of it. There doesn't have to be a look a commentary from the person having an accident right as it's happening, it could come after. Who knows, some people zone out as something bad happens to them and only respond once it's all over. Frankly though, I didn't see anything wrong with the Videl story, if anything it was one of the best stories since it was the first if I recall to actually have some action before the 'main event'. (Don't forget, it was made a while ago)

[Poowrite]

I don't know what to really tell you.  Good pooping scenes are good in different ways.  One thing I did notice was that you spent a lot of time described what was happening, but not how it felt to Videl.  I think some words about the physical sensations, and maybe also something about her thoughts and emotions, would improve the scene.

Re-reading it, it does seem like the action kinda pulled away from her and focused only on what was going on. What's the old saying? "Show, don't tell." It did seem like I did an awful lot of telling (though I still think it turned out pretty good ). In any case, it's a good poing and it's something I'll try to remember in future scenes.

Like I said, I wasn't trying to call you out. I wanted to know what you thought I could do to improve it.

Orpheum, I'm glad you thought so highly of it . Also, I did write "Trunk's Trick" before I wrote this one and Pan fights the creature before losing control. I think, if we're going to assign a story that had some action before the main event, it's have to be Chapter 3.

Though, between you and I, I thought "Videl's Fight" came out much better .

[FallenStar]

I don't know what to really tell you.  Good pooping scenes are good in different ways.  One thing I did notice was that you spent a lot of time described what was happening, but not how it felt to Videl.  I think some words about the physical sensations, and maybe also something about her thoughts and emotions, would improve the scene.

Although I'm not into poop that much, I tend to agree with Jimmy on this one.  Basic sex/poop/pee scenes get boring after a while unless the author tries to showcase the characters' emotions and thoughts over the whole thing. 

[OrpheumZero]

I don't know what to really tell you.  Good pooping scenes are good in different ways.  One thing I did notice was that you spent a lot of time described what was happening, but not how it felt to Videl.  I think some words about the physical sensations, and maybe also something about her thoughts and emotions, would improve the scene.

Although I'm not into poop that much, I tend to agree with Jimmy on this one.  Basic sex/poop/pee scenes get boring after a while unless the author tries to showcase the characters' emotions and thoughts over the whole thing. 

Well that is true, but you don't want too much of the character talking over the event, otherwise it breaks the flow of the 'action' going on. But I will agree that you do want some occasional exposition on how a character feels rather than the 'wait until it's finished' routine.

[Jimmy Olsen]

Shouldn't there be a poll by now?  It's the first of the month.