Nyou Fiction Forums

Hai. Some of you know about my sporadic collaborations with a rather decent artist, most notably the Misato barges in on Shinji in bath comic. Inspired by the "over the top scat" topic in this forum there was some brainstorming going on back and forth, and it resulted in the start of another comic. The Eva universe is perfect for horse sided dumps with its epic excuse for silly plot devices - LCL!

In short, Rei is used to test a new experimantal LCL type, wich increases her appetite, messes with her metabolism and digestive system - resulting in one day, not having been for a number 2 for quite some time, she clogs the changing room toilet with the top of the iceberg before having to leave for routine tests. However, after the daily rounds of tests in their EVA's the rest needs to get out, and being void of normal social skills, she just walks in and tells Shinji she needs his toilet as hers is still out of comission. This is where our tale starts..

And stops. So far theres scetches done of the action, but I want help writing the dialogue, if anyones willing.
Suggestions to change of scenes/perspectives are also welcome. I'm not posting this on the nyou site as the few people contributing are to find on this forum.

And now what you all clicked this topic for no doubt; ze scetches;      
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=UVPSVVAD
   

I'll help, but you could made a link to rapidshare as well? I can't use megaupload anymore.

Please and thank you, I'm sure these sketches look fantastic. ;D

Jawohl

http://rapidshare.com/files/120186859/reiepic.rar.html

This is awesome. Of course most of Rei's dialogue should be very unemotional, "Get me that bucket.' Do you think it would be amusing if she lets a few logs drop on the floor in between when she gets off the toilet/when Shinji arrives with the bucket? Ha ha.

Ok, I've gone over the roughdrafts and I think I got a fairly good idea of what the dialogue could be.

I'll list them by the number and the characters who will speak-

#1
Shinji: *Rei burst into the bathroom with no greeting* Wha!?! Rei? What are you doing here?! *Sees her slightly distended belly* What the hell?! Are you pregnant?!
Rei: *Monotone* I need your toilet.
Shinji: *Sweatdrops* Huh? 

#2
Shinji: *Perplexed, stands up* Uh.... what's going o-
Rei: *Nonchalantly* My toilet is broken, I have need of yours.
Shinji: WHAT?!! *Blushes deeply* 

#3
Shinji: *Offscreen* What the hell?! Put your pants back on! Someone might see you! Asuka might... 
Rei: *Deadpan* Be quiet.

#4
Rei: *Underbreath* Oh yea.... I can feel it coming.... 
Shinji: Um, Rei? What are you planning?..... *Makes sniffing sounds*

#5
Shinji: AH! What reeks? Are you feeling ok? *Quietly* This smells even worse than what Misato was doing last week! 
Rei: *Not remotely offended* I've just been through a new training regime, that's all.
Shinji: *To self* What? Take the worlds most foul smelling shit?

#6
Rei: Uggggghhh..... *Straining* Nyyyyygggghhhh! 
(All sorts of loud flatuent noises)
Shinji: *Gagging* Oh my god! How much more is there?!

#7
Rei: *Unflinching, but starting to sound more unlady like* Here comes more.... *Begins moaning as the largest yet slides out*  *Shinji isn't desperate, but hey, I thought it'd be funny *
Shinji: *Thinking* These girls aren't human, look at the size of that thing!

#8
Rei: *With raised eyebrow, but remaining emotionless* Is something wrong with your pants?
Shinji: *Covering shorts, beet red* N-no! I'm fine *Thinking* Dammit, not again!

#9
Rei: *Thinking to self* This feels so fucking good, I can't believe how much I'm doing. Uh-oh, I might have overestimated this toilet's holding capacity.
Shinji: *Groaning* This is just plain wrong....

#10
Rei: *Ignoring the comment* Shinji, get me that bucket. I'm running out of room in the toilet.
Shinji: Geez, how much do you have inside you?! *Thinking* This can't be real...

#11
Rei: *Becoming a little more urgent in tone* Quit complaining and hurry! *To self* Oh man I'm gonna burst again any second!
Shinji: Yea yea, hold on, will ya.

#12
Shinji: *Thinking* Her ass, it's so... smooth and shiny... *Realizes he's stepping on wet water*

#13
Shinji: WHOA! *Trips*

#14
Shinji: Ahhhhh-Mfffffffpppmmm *Faces lands directly in Rei's ass*
Rei: *Surprised* Ah! *Thinking* Hey, what's he doing?

#15
Rei: Useless, as usual... *Grabs bucket* Gotta go! Gotta go! Gotta go!
Shinji: *Losing consciousness* That smell.... *Passes out, whispy looking spirit rising from mouth, nosebleeding*
Rei: What's wrong with his pants?

#16
Rei: Oh man, this is gonna one big expulsion... *Taking in a deep breath* Here it comes!.... 

#17
Rei: Nyyyyyyyyyggggghhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaa! *Tons of farts and poopy sounds* 

#18
Rei: *Far more expressive* Oh yea! Ugggggghhhh! Yea... that feels sooo much better *Farts* Ohhhhh.... 

#19
Rei: I think I'm getting an orgasm from this.... so fucking.... great! *Moans this*   

#20
Rei: All better! Thank you Shinji, I feel a lot better because of you. *Hums as she walks off* 
Shinji: *Still half-awake* Wha?.... what's going on?..... Why are my pants all wet?....... 

END!

Panel 1-
Shinji *Startled* : O-occupied! I?m sorry!
Rei: ?
Panel 2-
Shinji: Um? Ayanami? this is the men?s bathroom.
Ayanami: The woman?s bathroom is out of order. I?m afraid it is urgent.
Shinji: Oh? ok? are you okay?
Panel 3-
Rei: ?I?m fine
Panel 4-
Rei: I just? really need to go
Panel 5-
Shinji: Gasp, that reeks!
Rei: Yes. I?ve been undergoing some special LCL treatment. It?s been interfering with my digestion to some degree.
Panel 6-
Shini *Thought* - How much can she shit? The smell is unbearable.
Panel 7-
Shinji: Er? I should go?
Rei: *Grunt*?  no, don?t leave.
Panel 8-
Rei: I may need? your assistance
Panel 9
Shinji: You really had to go? it?ll never flush like that!
Rei: There?s still more?
Shinji: !? You can?t be serious!
Panel 10
Rei: Hurry! Fetch me a bucket!
Shinji: Ah? right away!
Panel 11
Shinji: Here, will this work?
Rei: Put it down, quickly!
Shinji: Uh? yes!

Panel 12
Shinji: Huh??
Panel 13
Shinji: Wha-whoa?!
Panel 14
Shinji: I?m slipping! Aghhh! *Splat*
Panel 15
Rei: Sigh? useless, and now he?s all covered in my shit?
Panel 16
Rei: Might as well finish?

Panels 17-18: Various shitting noises
Panel 19
Rei: Ahh? finally?
Panel 20
Rei: Thank you for assisting me Shinji. You don?t mind cleaning up, do you?
Shinji: Groggily: ?N- no problem

Great feedback, thanks. Will defo put some of this in.

Any more suggestions to dialogue and/or different views/perspectives on the frames+

Time for suggestions are slowly running out, Rei is getting problems holding her load   
Some poor janitor will soon quit his job 

Quote from: yarr on June 26, 2008, 04:09:44 PM
Time for suggestions are slowly running out, Rei is getting problems holding her load   
Some poor janitor will soon quit his job 

*Misato walks by the bathroom door, which is hanging open*

Misato: She's gonna blow!!! Hit the deck!  ;D

*Puts on a hardhat and falls to floor laying prone*

yarr,

could you make a story about this instead? i've always been a huge fan of your infamous large dump stories - this one sounds really promising.

if you could put in a lot of detail, it would be great.

please consider 

thanks

I just might..