Attention: Poowrite

[FallenStar]

Thank you for your review of the RP2Fic series.

I just wanted to explain something about the beginning of the RP.

When the RP was first started, it was between me and two other guys - Anime Lover had not yet met me and we had not RPed together yet. After about two small sex-oriented RPs, Anime Lover agreed to join us and after the first guy dropped out, the second guy got mad at a scene between Suki and Kim (which isn't on the site here) and he left in a huff too - he came back later and re-inserted his character after Suki and Kim had had a few scenes together, but after the *big plot* scene prior to the start of the fic inside, he left again and neither of us have seen him since.

Since we did not have permission to include his character in the RP2Fic series when AL decided to make it, he naturally skipped over the parts in which his character was in it, thus leading to why the story kinda starts in medias rei... in the middle of things...

However, don't let that detract from the whole story as it progresses from that point - when AL and I RPed at the beginning, none of the Ap Dat/Mem'lo/Hon'tyl stuff had been fully fleshed out and the story is quite different because of it... LOL

Just consider it a work in progress as AL and I get better and better the farther we go along.  =P

[Anime Lover]

also, the fic called 'Catgirl Nikki Arrives' is actually chapter 0 of season 1

I'm thinking about figuring out how far back in the logs I can go without it being random 'crap' (for lack of a better word)

since the person we used to RP with has be MIA for over a year or more, I can most likly just censer out the characters name, like ****

[FallenStar]

also, the fic called 'Catgirl Nikki Arrives' is actually chapter 0 of season 1

I'm thinking about figuring out how far back in the logs I can go without it being random 'crap' (for lack of a better word)

since the person we used to RP with has be MIA for over a year or more, I can most likly just censer out the characters name, like ****

Well, damn, man... maybe I should've kept the *original original* logs then, to explain how **** met Suki and how Suki met Kim and all that... LOL

And yeah, the original logs *were* pretty much nothing but crap... just filler stuff... it wasn't until Ulter-Suki (remember her? ) that we actually had a story develop...   

It was all 'cause you mentioned you wanted Becky to get "raped" that I started to develop the final boss of that season.. lol

[Poowrite]

Again, I understand that it's old work and and I'm porbably wasting breath pointing out flaws that have likely been fixed. It's just that, even with my general understanding of the world and the Ap Dat characters, I was a bit lost. Without that knowledge, I'd have been totally confuzed .

I don't mean to insult anyone, I'm just giving my honest review. I wonder, though, if the pace and lack of solid introduction is a flaw of the medium (RP), though. I mean, with another person waiting his turn to write, do we spend less time focusing on our character's thought and internal dialog? I don't know if this is the reason, but I know I've spent less time doing that than I would have had I been writing a fic on my own . Except maybe with Momo, whose backstory is totally irrelivant from manifestation to manifestation ... or is it 

In any case, I'll continue reading it though I can't really offer you a solid pace at which I'll read ^^.

[FallenStar]

Again, I understand that it's old work and and I'm porbably wasting breath pointing out flaws that have likely been fixed. It's just that, even with my general understanding of the world and the Ap Dat characters, I was a bit lost. Without that knowledge, I'd have been totally confuzed . 

What are you trying to say? I think both AL and I both knew that where the story started wasn't the real start to the RP; it's just that neither of us had permission to use that other character and as such, I'm thinking that AL had decided, in the past, of course, not to bring any reference to her at the time... Looks like he's rethinking that part though...   ;D

I don't mean to insult anyone, I'm just giving my honest review.

I don't think *anyone* was insulted. I only posted this to better explain why the story kinda started where it did instead of at the beginning.   

I wonder, though, if the pace and lack of solid introduction is a flaw of the medium (RP), though.

Not really. I mean, depending on who you RP with, the stories can be quite expansive, or merely just PWP's. And goodness knows, both AL and me can fail at intros from time to time (Hey, we're not gods..   )...  I remember how I mentioned  Amber (as a cheerleader) at one point in this RP but because I didn't do it right, he didn't like her so I had no choice but to drop her... A failure on my part, obviously, as everyone else seems to like her... but whaddaya gonna do...  lol

I mean, with another person waiting his turn to write, do we spend less time focusing on our character's thought and internal dialog?

Which is what I've been trying to get both of you to do.    I mean, hearing the character speak is one thing, but reading their internal thoughts, their internal feelings, I think, would add another dimension to the story itself and make it more than just PWP or just a limited third person perspective on things...

I don't know if this is the reason, but I know I've spent less time doing that than I would have had I been writing a fic on my own .

Well, if you like, you can do more of that from even Ando's perspective. I wouldn't mind at all. You've seen how I've done it with Suki and you've done it yourself from Momo, so why not? 

Except maybe with Momo, whose backstory is totally irrelivant from manifestation to manifestation ... or is it   

Hmm... do I detect a hint of a plot twist?   ;D

In any case, I'll continue reading it though I can't really offer you a solid pace at which I'll read ^^. 

I don't think either of us requests a solid pace, just so long as you read it and review it, 'cause, man,  you KICK ASS at reviews!  ;D

[Anime Lover]

regarding the prolong to the RP series, I can start from the RP when Kim introduces Becky to Suki, but there is some kind of missing area there >.< other than that, the prolong will follow-through with Alter Suki showing up, then kidnapping Becky, the cave happenings, then Suki's rescue, then chapter 0 links the prolong and first season togeather.

[FallenStar]

regarding the prolong to the RP series, I can start from the RP when Kim introduces Becky to Suki, but there is some kind of missing area there >.< other than that, the prolong will follow-through with Alter Suki showing up, then kidnapping Becky, the cave happenings, then Suki's rescue, then chapter 0 links the prolong and first season togeather.

Suki's rescue uses the other character, though. You planning on just ****'ing her name?

And, I have a hard copy of Becky's Domination by what would later be revealed as Ulter-Suki. (Ulter, btw, not Alter )... it's where Suki makes Becky pee, then starts to kick her (which she doesn't like, apparently), then she goes back to get Kim, brings her to the cave and... *ahem* one of my worst moments in the RP when I tried to take your character and use him myself... Not one of my best moments...  X_X

[Poowrite]

regarding the prolong to the RP series, I can start from the RP when Kim introduces Becky to Suki, but there is some kind of missing area there >.< other than that, the prolong will follow-through with Alter Suki showing up, then kidnapping Becky, the cave happenings, then Suki's rescue, then chapter 0 links the prolong and first season togeather.

Hmmm, perhaps instead of doing the whole prolog you might consider doing like a brief summary chapter at the beginning? Just to get people up to speed on what happened prior to the start?

What are you trying to say? I think both AL and I both knew that where the story started wasn't the real start to the RP; it's just that neither of us had permission to use that other character and as such, I'm thinking that AL had decided, in the past, of course, not to bring any reference to her at the time... Looks like he's rethinking that part though...   

I'm saying that while you guys knew where it started, I didn't and neither will anyone else who reads it. I assumed this was because the fic is old and your skillz as writers weren't where they are now .

Well, if you like, you can do more of that from even Ando's perspective. I wouldn't mind at all. You've seen how I've done it with Suki and you've done it yourself from Momo, so why not? 

I haven't been doing it because I was half-way through bitching about it in my review before I realized I hadn't been doing it  . Also, I tend to get a bit wordy in these situations and Ando has had less to reflect on than Momoko. I'll be watching things a bit more closely, now, though, to try to develop her more as a character.

Which is what I've been trying to get both of you to do.    I mean, hearing the character speak is one thing, but reading their internal thoughts, their internal feelings, I think, would add another dimension to the story itself and make it more than just PWP or just a limited third person perspective on things...

Again, I didn't realize I was doing it until recently ><

Hmm... do I detect a hint of a plot twist?

Maybe, maybe not. I have an idea that might allow Momoko to grow a little and help her and Suki's relationship develop. But I haven't thought it out very far ^^.

[FallenStar]

Hmmm, perhaps instead of doing the whole prolog you might consider doing like a brief summary chapter at the beginning? Just to get people up to speed on what happened prior to the start?

Actually, no, if he's going to do this, I'd like to have him put everything up there... people could just treat it as a series of fics similar to the RP2Fic series main series... wouldn't really be that hard... or he could do it like a flashback sequence, even though I'm pretty sure he'd say no to that... he doesn't like those all that much...

I'm saying that while you guys knew where it started, I didn't and neither will anyone else who reads it. I assumed this was because the fic is old and your skillz as writers weren't where they are now .

Actually, both is true. This fic started back in '04 and (well, I don't know about him but my skills were teh suck for other people at the time... lol)

I haven't been doing it because I was half-way through bitching about it in my review before I realized I hadn't been doing it  . Also, I tend to get a bit wordy in these situations and Ando has had less to reflect on than Momoko. I'll be watching things a bit more closely, now, though, to try to develop her more as a character.

Yes, so what can you take away as a lesson from all this? DON'T BITCH UNTIL YOU MAKE SURE YOU DO IT YOURSELF... otherwise, you come off as a bit of a hypocrit.  =P  (no offense, of course... just saying...)

Again, I didn't realize I was doing it until recently ><

Well, good... then maybe we both can do it, ne?

Maybe, maybe not. I have an idea that might allow Momoko to grow a little and help her and Suki's relationship develop. But I haven't thought it out very far ^^. 

Anything that keeps the romance factor strong between those two, allows Momoko to be strong enough to protect Suki, yet weak enough to be manipulated for teasing holding/squirting/peeing fun and still keeps the two together through all the pain and suffering undoubtably to come is fine with me.   

[Poowrite]

DON'T BITCH UNTIL YOU MAKE SURE YOU DO IT YOURSELF

I don't necessiarily agree with this. Just because I'm guilty of it and can admit it, doesn't make it any less wrong. I was trying to point out strong and weak points in the story, not just weak points that I'm not guilty of commiting. If my reviews followed that line of reasoning, I could never give anything lower than a ten

Anything that keeps the romance factor strong between those two, allows Momoko to be strong enough to protect Suki, yet weak enough to be manipulated for teasing holding/squirting/peeing fun and still keeps the two together through all the pain and suffering undoubtably to come is fine with me.   

Yeah. It involves introducing a villian with connections to Momo. I just haven't completely decided what those connections are yet ^^.

[FallenStar]

I don't necessiarily agree with this. Just because I'm guilty of it and can admit it, doesn't make it any less wrong. I was trying to point out strong and weak points in the story, not just weak points that I'm not guilty of commiting. If my reviews followed that line of reasoning, I could never give anything lower than a ten  

It's true, though. If you don't do it yourself, how do you expect other people to do it, or more, to listen to you talk about how it's so important? You kinda lose a bit of creditability when you say one thing and then don't even do it yourself. But, no worries, man. We'll both do it from now on, eh?  ;D

Yeah. It involves introducing a villian with connections to Momo. I just haven't completely decided what those connections are yet ^^.

The Villain must work within the bounds of having Hon'tyl be the main villain, but pretty much anything can go.   ;D

[OrpheumZero]

I guess I'll hijack this thread since it does have to do with Poowrite. I just wanted to remind you that you still need to post "People in Spira should learn to knock" and "Rikku's fear of Aeons" since as far as I can see, there not on the site yet

Please post them soon, just doesn't feel right not seen the complete Poowrite catalog!