The Weirdest Story You've Thought Of

[SharkBait]

I had an idea for one kinda like Jimmy's ship pissing idea. A clan of elves in some fantasy forest need to renew their great tree, so they have a sort of festival/ritual where they go down into the burrows underneath it in groups and relieve themselves on the roots.

[Jimmy Olsen]

A clan of elves in some fantasy forest need to renew their great tree, so they have a sort of festival/ritual where they go down into the burrows underneath it in groups and relieve themselves on the roots.

An Arbor Day public urination festival?  I like it!

I remember more than once imagining "Battleshits world championship"
However, I never really figured out how it would work.
At least 50 women were in the final round.

I'd pay to see that. Who would you have as the two finalists?

Sakura would have to be one of them. 

[Jimmy Olsen]

I just remembered a couple other weird story ideas. 

A while back I started writing a modern interpretation of Alice in Wonderland.  After a while I realized it had been done too many times already, and I wasn't very good at it.  Anyway, I was going to have her size altered plus and minus like in the original book when she's trying to get the key to the garden.  Except it's the key to the restroom she badly needs to visit, and when she's expanded she gets so big she almost snaps her neck on the ceiling, and wets herself out of fear.  Then she shrinks and it's like the chapter with the ocean of tears, only with pee instead.  Yeah, weird idea.

Another idea I never developed (because it made no damn sense) would have been an ensemble cast fantasy set aboard a ship that sails underground.  They're in search of a new food supply, because failing crops will cause starvation in several countries if something doesn't change.  One of the countries consists of a race who can survive on another type of food unsuitable to the other races, except they need the crops for fiber.  So one of the characters is a constipated girl, and their mission needs to succeed in order to end a constipation epidemic in that country.  The story/book would presumably end with countless women pooping at the same time.

[Havik]

I got one. Catherine's storyline. How about that?

[Jimmy Olsen]

I'm resurrecting this because of a weird idea I had.  You know those long balloons that the ones clowns make animals out of?  Imagine one of those, only maybe made of biodegradable material.  I think you may know where I'm going from here.  Imagine if a villainess filled one up with toxic gas and concealed it in her colon.  It would be like the usual comic book scene where somebody sneaks in in disguise, makes it through security, then gasses the guards and goes to work on their heist or other evil scheme.  In this case she wouldn't even need to sneak a weapon through security.  She'd just break the balloon through muscular contraction and everyone would pass out from her gas attack.  I know, I have weird thoughts.

[EnragedFilia]

It's not all that weird, or at least no weirder than some of the ideas that Hollywood screenwriters come up with. Such as whoever came up with the similar scene in Last Action Hero. That Wikipedia page has a summary.

Also, there's a similar idea in one of the Man-Kzin Wars stories, "The Heroic Myth of Lieutenant Nora Argamentine". To summarize: The Humans have recently won the (first) war against the felinoid Kzinti aliens, and a pair of Kzinti are returning some Human prisoners/slaves/test subjects (including the eponymous Lieutenant Argamentine). One of them has the idea of inserting poison gas capsules in the (unconscious and sedated) prisoners' rectums and releasing them remotely to kill everyone on the Humans' ship. The other Kzinti (who is a huge coward) is afraid that the plan might fail and the Humans kill them in retaliation, so he switches the poison with harmless CO2. Afterwards, someone on the rescuing ship mentions that CO2 levels are slightly elevated, then disregards it due to being a fairly common problem on spacecraft.

Now for a plot point like this to work in one of our stories, I could only imagine that no lethal poison would be involved (because death can be a bit of a buzzkill).

As an added twist, the balloon could be fitted with a timer to avoid the unpredictability of intestinal contractions, and when the job is briefly delayed for whatever reason she has to struggle to avoid accidentally gassing her own teammates.

[Jimmy Olsen]

Yes, I like the intestinal time bomb idea! 

Does anybody feel like writing this?

[OrpheumZero]

Funny you should mention this. I just watched the 9th One Piece movie; "Episode of Chopper Plus: Bloom in Winter, Miracle Sakura!". The movie adds a new villain, a brother to the original villain Wapul, Musshuru (Mushroom). His devil fruit powers are poison/spore based, and are contained in his stomach and must be released after a certain period of time. Maybe working along those sort of lines might help in the inspiration.

[Jimmy Olsen]

You've got me thinking, Orpheum.  So maybe instead of knockout gas it's spores that possess or morph people.

I'm thinking some kind of "body horror" plot about distributing alien pods.  Typical sci-fi plot.  Only this alien menace has already been discovered, and there are "good guys" who are doing a tremendous job of finding and eradicating the pods.  So to transport them to an unsuspecting new locale, the desperate alien sympathizers are now trying unorthodox methods.  A scientist has bred an especially small pod, and he shoves it into a capsule and tricks an unsuspecting woman into thinking it's a laxative.  She pops the pill and boards her flight.  Now her gurgling tummy is an alien time bomb ticking away.  When her constipated anus finally opens up, it will unleash the force that will conquer the Earth!

It's a crazy idea, but maybe some writer could make it work?

[OrpheumZero]

Sounds like a possibly less violent version of the butthole alien from that Dreamcatcher book/movie, only without the violent decimation of the host's anus

[Harry-Topper]

I wrote a story about a girl attacked on the toilet by a monster.  It's onb my page, and you'll also find a sequel I made for it.

[Jimmy Olsen]

I had an idea for one kinda like Jimmy's ship pissing idea. A clan of elves in some fantasy forest need to renew their great tree, so they have a sort of festival/ritual where they go down into the burrows underneath it in groups and relieve themselves on the roots.

I forgot all about this post, but I definitely read it when you made it, and I think your idea must have been somewhere in my mind when I devised the plot for "Rules of the Orchard."


Orpheum: I forgot all about that movie.  It deserved to be forgotten.

Harry: Did you post in the wrong thread by accident?

[blank]

Last night I dreamed of a weird story. A group of girls were experimenting with a formula that creates enormous rock hard shits. The reason they used it is so that they could destroy toilets in businesses they don't like, and not get fined for vandalism. They also had to train their anus with various buttplugs to make their anus wide enough to shit out the enormous logs.

It was cheddar cheese melted around opiates, Metamucil, metabolic accelerents, and a few other things that I don't remember.

[Jimmy Olsen]

Sounds like a great idea for a fic!  I especially like the idea that destructive dumps are a loophole to avoid vandalism charges.

[blank]

Any writer should feel free to make a story about the gigantic shit formula and battleshits world tournament. I just don't have what it takes to write something at this time.